It has been scientifically proven that until we are 7 or 8 our brains are in a state where we take in everything that is being said and done as fact – no questions asked.

What we experience is how the whole world must work and is normal, even if it isn’t. We lack the cognitive abilities to know that life can be lived in any other way. It is almost like being brainwashed, developmentally. At this age we do not question our caretakers, teachers, religious leaders, coaches, friends and so on. What they say is simply the truth and we swallow it whole, positive or otherwise. We are able to learn so quickly and so much in these first few years of life because our brains do take everything in as fact. These important people in our lives do not tell us things to be malicious, typically they are teaching us what they believe to be important and beneficial, or simply do not understand the importance and/or impact their words have on our developing mind. However, it also sets the foundation for our future.

This is often why we continue to have the same political affiliations, practice the same religion, and have the same beliefs around relationships, money, food, emotions and other things as our parents did. 

Each generation also typically goes through similar familial dynamics because it is comfortable and familiar to us and/ or so one can attempt to change how the story ends. 

Developmental brainwashing is why when someone is asked, “How was your childhood?” so many respond with, “It was good.” It was their version of normal so how could it be anything else.

When we are older we become able to look at and notice what our families, friends, and friends’ families are doing. Simply taking note that they behave in this way, or do things in that way. Eventually, towards our teen years, we become capable of judging for ourselves what our beliefs will be and how we will live our lives, similarly or differently from our family of origin. Within this lineal foundation, what we conceive to be normal has been established and only through conscious awareness and action will we ever change what has become our status quo.  

Based on what we experienced in our family of origin is where others can come and “press our buttons.” Our pet peeves, insecurities, triggers and unfinished business can all be illuminated by the action, inactions, words, and tones of another. That person or situation may be sending you over the edge with anxiety and fear, or in contrast, they may be doing something that you justify and normalize. It all depends on what strategies you learned along your life’s journey. So many times what you are experiencing now has some sort of tie to your past. 

The developmental brainwashing was learned by one’s subconscious and is why I believe healing also needs to happen at a subconscious level. It is not about blaming anyone, most of the time people do the best they can with what they have experienced. Understanding developmental brainwashing is about honoring your own experience and understanding how you got to where you currently are.